I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
