i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
