she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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