she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
