and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
