So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
