Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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