It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
