why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
