It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize