It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
