Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
