Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What a dumb baby whore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
