I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
