nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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