goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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