i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
