I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
