Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
