I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
