Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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