two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she peed on how many people?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
