Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
