oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
