Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
