My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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