he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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