Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
