Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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