he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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