Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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