I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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