I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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