I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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