The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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