Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize