I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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