god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I bet he comes in French.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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