i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I love having hate sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
