Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
