The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
