there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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