I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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