You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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