you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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