im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
