"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
