He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
