I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
