I feel like abortions should bother me more
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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