Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
