I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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