Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
