the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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