Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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