Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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