he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
