Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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