I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
