my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
