Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
