Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
