I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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