are you so shy because you have an std?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
