I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
