Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
