I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
