If i come over, it means nothing
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
