okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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